How do I feel, when my soul is torn?

I had another idea I was trying to sell.  It’s gone now,  but the point is not the deep sad of existence when not connected with at least one special other.  My soul mate, life partner and co-parent all ideally wrapped up in the same perfect package of spouse. {note to self, what is etymology of spouse, and why is it so rarely used today?}

I would look it up, but I have committed to doing this in 10 minutes, and I do get so easily distracted.  A feature or a flaw?  I often ponder on human origins, and the far more awesome story that science tells me than a simple Creator God.  I can’t have been much older than seven when it struck me that God is the Laws of Physics.

To have an understanding go God and science at this young age reflects on my winning the genetic and environmental ‘roulette’ that gave me highly gifted parents on both sides, and an extremely privileged up bring by a Bridge World Champion, and always delicately cared for by the Universe.  Including in my trials.

I feel trapped in one now.  My soul is torn.  It hurts.  Why is this you ask, I hope.

Expectations.  Life is not quite meeting my expectations.  So, instead of changing my expectations, I pack a sad.  I know this, and still it hurts.  An optical illusion can remain, even when we know it.  Do you know about your cognitive illusions?




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s